quoteable quotes...
shoot. originally this was a live from silversmelly special. however due 2 technological difficulties possibly caused by izabelle the dell (mirs laptop) the internet was and still remains slightly fickle. much has happened since we originally started this blog back in the day when we thought we were going 2 dc 4 the nite. however we took the road less traveled @ this hour and went 2 rockville to check out the donuts in the dunkin. let me tell u that lady was thrilled when we left if u kno what i mean. this is a little taste (just in case u werent privilged enuf 2 taste some dunking yourself) of the happenings in dunkin:
rachel: ok i'll get 1 boston creme and...1 chocolate creme....
lady: how many donuts do u want?
rachel: just 2
lady: *takes 1 boston creme and 1 chocolate glazed*
rachel: not chocolate glazed, chocolate creme
lady: chocolate glazed or chocolate creme?
rachel: chocolate creme
lady: (after we have continued to harass her for 15 minutes about donuts and bagels and coffee)ok what kind of munchkins do u want?
rachel: powdered
aviva: glazed and powdered
mir: glazed, powdered, and chocolate
aviva: ewww i hate chocolate i cant have my munchkins touching the chocolate its so CHOCOLATE!
*chaos breaks loose*
lady: um do u want me 2 put them in seperate boxes?
aviva: no its fine, i'll survive *laughs embarassedly*
*fast foward 10 minutes*
rachel: ok can i have 1 everything bagel and 1 plain bagel w. smoked salmon cream cheese?
lady: sure
rachel: o wait, can i get cream cheese on the side 4 the everything?
lady: what do u mean on the side?
rachel: like on the side in a container
lady: o. *puts 1 plain bagel w. side cream cheese in a bag*
rachel: wait, i think thats the plain 1
lady: o. do u want them in seperate bags?
aviva: now shes gonna think we always want everything seperate.
rachel: o and can i have an iced coffee?
lady: iced latte?
rachel: yes!
lady: ok so an iced latte?
rachel: no! an iced coffee
lady: coffee or latte?
rachel: coffee! (clearly we had communication issues)
(and thats just half of it. miriam is ignoring us and not participating in the reunion party.)
5 minutes later:
miriam: SHOOT i just sat on my donut!
aviva: *cracks up*
rachel: *drives*
aviva: did u hear what she said?
rachel: hahahah
miriam: ITS LIKE A PANCAKE!
other funny things that happened this loverly weekend:
1. malkie: rachel, i dont have 2 call u nemore (*entire place cracks up 4 an hour*)
2. malkie: baltimore is the heroin capital of the US
rachel: lets move there!
miriam: rachel, you dont need heroin, you have mountain dew!
3. aviva: *in accusatory tone* rachel, r u wearing flip flops 2 shul?
rachel: no...
aviva: (at same time) i'm 'bshok'
rachel: hahahaha shok ba'isha erva!
4. yulia: so this kid on eurotrip was obsessed with me
rachels parents: huh?
yulia: well not like the other kid who was like will u marry me on the first day...
5. aviva: (b4 mincha) so 2day during davening i hiccuped really loudly but mir didnt even turn around but the lady in front of me totaly turned around and stared in the middle of mussaf.
later during avinu malkeinu
aviva: HICCUP!
rachel and mir: *shaking w. silent laughter (until mir snorted)
6. (this is a selection of a rather long conversation)*sitting outside of shul pretending 2 learn while really just laughing about the hiccup*
aaron feld: hello ladies. what r ur names? my grandmothers last name was purlman who can spell that?
miriam: pearlman
aviva: perlman
rachel: purlman
aviva and miriam: hahah yea rite
aaron: p-u-r-l-m-a-n U'RE THE WINNER!
rachel: whats my prize?
aaron: a good new year!
aaron: do u guys kno the 7 names of Hashem? i kno 3. 1 is shalom. like shabbat shalom is like Gd should give u peace on Shabbos. or like with shana tova....(trails off w.o knowing how 2 explain that 1)
miriam: how can i get a super awesome year?
aaron: spell schoolsky
and it goes on and on.....
rachel’s parents: Miriam,. what did u do this summer?
Miriam: I hung out @ the dr’s office
Rachels parents: o, u worked there?
Miriam: no no, just visiting.
aviva: hey that place is called my eye dr
Rachel: my eye dr is my eye dr
aviva: that’s the stupidest sentence I’ve ever heard.(she then proceeds 2 repeat it 10 times in the next 10 hours.)
Rachel: where did u get those shoes aviva?
aviva: I don’t really like them
Miriam: they’re her moms
Rachel: that’s like the time I got in2 the car and immediately announced that I didn’t like the air condtioning.
yulia: *in Russian accent* it is like being no problem
heres a more intense story:
background: last rosh hashana rachel discovered this woodside minhag to make the women in the first 2 rows move into the aisle further behind them lest they miss the bracha by an angle of 5 degrees. a great fight ensued where rachel proved (using her handy dandy shaare halacha) that as long as ur n not BEHIND the cohanim u're good. but then she 4got about the whole issue.
fast forward 2 the first day of rosha hashana. its birkat cohanim time and rachel finds herself squashed in2 the aisle. after lunch this discussion occurs:
rachel: WHAT THE HECK THERE IS NO LITTLE LASER BEAM COMING OUT OF THE COHANIM'S FINGERS!!!! U DONT HAVE TO MOVE SO THAT U CAN CATCH SOME OF THE BRACHA. ITS A BRACHA! A SPIRITUAL THING. NOT PHYSICAL. THEY PROBABLY ARENT COHANIM NEWAYS!!! AND PPL TURN THEIR BACKS BC THEY THINK THEY'LL GO BLIND! I MEAN COME ON ETC ETC ETC
*every1 sits on the couch and stairs at rachel as she screams and screams*
yulia: RACHEL CHILL!
fast forward 2 second day of rosh hashana..birkat cohanim time...once again rachel finds herself squashed in the aisle lest she seperate from the congregation..except this time all her friends and her mom are laughing @ her bc they r all thinking about her complete birkat cohanim breakdown the day b4...
sunday nite rachel is needs shoes so she puts on what she thinks are her pink flip flops..goes downstairs and starts talking 2 her grandmother on the fone..suddenly she sees that not only are her flip flops not pink, but they arent hers. THEY"RE MIRIAMS..AGAIN!!!!! she then nervously approaches mir and tosses the flip flops at her and runs away. thankfully rosh hashana had just ended and mir decided 2 4give her. much appreciated.
kd post fast.
rachel: can i have a burger delight fries and a soda?
lady: sure what kind of soda
rachel: sprite
fast forward 5 minutes. aviva is away from the table. rachel sits down and looks @ the drinks, picks up the coke and drinks half of it. then she leaves and mir tells her, btw aviva is wondering who drank her coke. rachel looks confused for 5 minutes while she tries 2 figure out y aviva thinks the coke is not rachels. then she remembers that she specifically didnt want coke bc its night time...
rachel: um hi aviva
aviva: its ok i kno its u. i was wondering how my drink had a straw in it. and half the coke it started with..
ok thats all 4 now folks. if we kept collecting the quotes as they happened this post would never go up..
rachel: ok i'll get 1 boston creme and...1 chocolate creme....
lady: how many donuts do u want?
rachel: just 2
lady: *takes 1 boston creme and 1 chocolate glazed*
rachel: not chocolate glazed, chocolate creme
lady: chocolate glazed or chocolate creme?
rachel: chocolate creme
lady: (after we have continued to harass her for 15 minutes about donuts and bagels and coffee)ok what kind of munchkins do u want?
rachel: powdered
aviva: glazed and powdered
mir: glazed, powdered, and chocolate
aviva: ewww i hate chocolate i cant have my munchkins touching the chocolate its so CHOCOLATE!
*chaos breaks loose*
lady: um do u want me 2 put them in seperate boxes?
aviva: no its fine, i'll survive *laughs embarassedly*
*fast foward 10 minutes*
rachel: ok can i have 1 everything bagel and 1 plain bagel w. smoked salmon cream cheese?
lady: sure
rachel: o wait, can i get cream cheese on the side 4 the everything?
lady: what do u mean on the side?
rachel: like on the side in a container
lady: o. *puts 1 plain bagel w. side cream cheese in a bag*
rachel: wait, i think thats the plain 1
lady: o. do u want them in seperate bags?
aviva: now shes gonna think we always want everything seperate.
rachel: o and can i have an iced coffee?
lady: iced latte?
rachel: yes!
lady: ok so an iced latte?
rachel: no! an iced coffee
lady: coffee or latte?
rachel: coffee! (clearly we had communication issues)
(and thats just half of it. miriam is ignoring us and not participating in the reunion party.)
5 minutes later:
miriam: SHOOT i just sat on my donut!
aviva: *cracks up*
rachel: *drives*
aviva: did u hear what she said?
rachel: hahahah
miriam: ITS LIKE A PANCAKE!
other funny things that happened this loverly weekend:
1. malkie: rachel, i dont have 2 call u nemore (*entire place cracks up 4 an hour*)
2. malkie: baltimore is the heroin capital of the US
rachel: lets move there!
miriam: rachel, you dont need heroin, you have mountain dew!
3. aviva: *in accusatory tone* rachel, r u wearing flip flops 2 shul?
rachel: no...
aviva: (at same time) i'm 'bshok'
rachel: hahahaha shok ba'isha erva!
4. yulia: so this kid on eurotrip was obsessed with me
rachels parents: huh?
yulia: well not like the other kid who was like will u marry me on the first day...
5. aviva: (b4 mincha) so 2day during davening i hiccuped really loudly but mir didnt even turn around but the lady in front of me totaly turned around and stared in the middle of mussaf.
later during avinu malkeinu
aviva: HICCUP!
rachel and mir: *shaking w. silent laughter (until mir snorted)
6. (this is a selection of a rather long conversation)*sitting outside of shul pretending 2 learn while really just laughing about the hiccup*
aaron feld: hello ladies. what r ur names? my grandmothers last name was purlman who can spell that?
miriam: pearlman
aviva: perlman
rachel: purlman
aviva and miriam: hahah yea rite
aaron: p-u-r-l-m-a-n U'RE THE WINNER!
rachel: whats my prize?
aaron: a good new year!
aaron: do u guys kno the 7 names of Hashem? i kno 3. 1 is shalom. like shabbat shalom is like Gd should give u peace on Shabbos. or like with shana tova....(trails off w.o knowing how 2 explain that 1)
miriam: how can i get a super awesome year?
aaron: spell schoolsky
and it goes on and on.....
rachel’s parents: Miriam,. what did u do this summer?
Miriam: I hung out @ the dr’s office
Rachels parents: o, u worked there?
Miriam: no no, just visiting.
aviva: hey that place is called my eye dr
Rachel: my eye dr is my eye dr
aviva: that’s the stupidest sentence I’ve ever heard.(she then proceeds 2 repeat it 10 times in the next 10 hours.)
Rachel: where did u get those shoes aviva?
aviva: I don’t really like them
Miriam: they’re her moms
Rachel: that’s like the time I got in2 the car and immediately announced that I didn’t like the air condtioning.
yulia: *in Russian accent* it is like being no problem
heres a more intense story:
background: last rosh hashana rachel discovered this woodside minhag to make the women in the first 2 rows move into the aisle further behind them lest they miss the bracha by an angle of 5 degrees. a great fight ensued where rachel proved (using her handy dandy shaare halacha) that as long as ur n not BEHIND the cohanim u're good. but then she 4got about the whole issue.
fast forward 2 the first day of rosha hashana. its birkat cohanim time and rachel finds herself squashed in2 the aisle. after lunch this discussion occurs:
rachel: WHAT THE HECK THERE IS NO LITTLE LASER BEAM COMING OUT OF THE COHANIM'S FINGERS!!!! U DONT HAVE TO MOVE SO THAT U CAN CATCH SOME OF THE BRACHA. ITS A BRACHA! A SPIRITUAL THING. NOT PHYSICAL. THEY PROBABLY ARENT COHANIM NEWAYS!!! AND PPL TURN THEIR BACKS BC THEY THINK THEY'LL GO BLIND! I MEAN COME ON ETC ETC ETC
*every1 sits on the couch and stairs at rachel as she screams and screams*
yulia: RACHEL CHILL!
fast forward 2 second day of rosh hashana..birkat cohanim time...once again rachel finds herself squashed in the aisle lest she seperate from the congregation..except this time all her friends and her mom are laughing @ her bc they r all thinking about her complete birkat cohanim breakdown the day b4...
sunday nite rachel is needs shoes so she puts on what she thinks are her pink flip flops..goes downstairs and starts talking 2 her grandmother on the fone..suddenly she sees that not only are her flip flops not pink, but they arent hers. THEY"RE MIRIAMS..AGAIN!!!!! she then nervously approaches mir and tosses the flip flops at her and runs away. thankfully rosh hashana had just ended and mir decided 2 4give her. much appreciated.
kd post fast.
rachel: can i have a burger delight fries and a soda?
lady: sure what kind of soda
rachel: sprite
fast forward 5 minutes. aviva is away from the table. rachel sits down and looks @ the drinks, picks up the coke and drinks half of it. then she leaves and mir tells her, btw aviva is wondering who drank her coke. rachel looks confused for 5 minutes while she tries 2 figure out y aviva thinks the coke is not rachels. then she remembers that she specifically didnt want coke bc its night time...
rachel: um hi aviva
aviva: its ok i kno its u. i was wondering how my drink had a straw in it. and half the coke it started with..
ok thats all 4 now folks. if we kept collecting the quotes as they happened this post would never go up..
posted by mirrac at 11:55 PM
2 Comments:
I'm so proud of your Birkat Kohanim rant. It's a pet peeve of mine, too.
Remember, Rachel: People are by and large idiots.
Check out what I wrote here:
http://adderabbi.blogspot.com/2005/07/science-of-tefillah.html
and g'mar chatima tova,
from ur fav B-I-L
I just did my snorty laugh thing that u hate while reading
can I just the shok quote while I teach?
pesh
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