a constructive use of a free thursday nite??

sorry 2 all ppl who read this on facebook already. believe it or not, not EVERY1 has facebook. and i figured this would be a good way 2 post something so that ppl remember we're alive!

all words in bold were actually sent to blockbuster..

**some materials have been removed to protect the address of the innocent, and not so innocent, plus this is top secret sqwat team information. how do you spell sqwat anways?**

January 19, 2007



Blockbuster
Customer Service Department (aka non-existant cubicle like Thomas Edison College, the school in a filing cabinet)


Dear Blockbuster,

As students (ok, one of us is a student there. the other just wishes she lived the good life) of the Sy Syms School of Business in New York City (where you have no requirements and get to wear pants and party all day long), we have been learning (or spacing out while dreaming of life in Israel with a tall, not dark, chayal) about how one runs an efficient and effective (and easy and enormous and excellent) company (thank you management class, Thursday January 18th). Two of the central components of maintaining a successful business are integrity and customer service (how do u like that line?? took us a few fuming steps from blockbuster to come up with that one). Tonight, the employees of Blockbuster (including the &*%$ lady behind the counter with bad hair dye and an attitude the size of Texas), located on E 34th Street and Lexington Avenue in New York City (near the famous 243 Lexington building mentioned in The Da Vinci Code), did not meet either of these.
We arrived at Blockbuster at 11:48 pm (otherwise known as 23:48 I repeat the eagle has landed) on Thursday, January 18, 2007 (otherwise known as X day); closing time is 12:00 am (2400). The entrance door was locked (so we sent in the squat team for some recon. lucky for us ) and when we looked inside the windows (thanks to the borrowing of Superman’s x-ray vision and our fancy new night vision goggles from the grant given to us by Congressional allocation 5648EVB) of the store, we found two customers (tall male. black sweatshirt. about 23 years of age) in the store checking out (movies that is), one employee assisting them with their rental, and two employees lounging around by the counter (the suspicious sort that no good father would let their daughter hang out with). [We debated for two long intense minutes about who would be the “maaan you must be swift as a great typhoon”…and bang on the door..”bring in da noise bring down the house we came here 2 turn the party out said come on come on lets raise the roof and bring em proof that we can get loose y’all”..shout out 2 nsync and 2 still unused tickets] As the two customers left (basking in the glory of actually renting a movie..oh excuse me intelligence just corrected us. they rented 3), we entered through the exit door (sneaky..what can we say. we were trained by the famous stalker school of dallas). One of the employees shook his head (lucky for us, it wasn’t his hand…”cant touch this nananana”) in our direction, implying that the store was closed (we didn’t assume because you know what that makes u and me). On both of our cell phones (verizon is still better than cingular even if LG sux way more than aviva’s magical Nokia with the help of Gd and without the evil eye…what u talkin’ bout willis?), of two different service carriers, the time was 11:50 pm (2350). As is common knowledge (at least to privileged people who pay $40,000 for their education), cell phone times are regulated by satellite (at least that’s what Miriam said when she shoved her foot in the doorway last time we had this problem), and always display the correct time (what is time really? does it exist?). We stated (and let the record reflect that we have shown opposing counsel the evidence) the time on our phones to the employees (if u can call them that), and one glanced down at his cell phone (sketch ball…sorry buddy, no lifelines), and stopped participating in the discussion (he sure shut up real fast). The female employee (uh uh girlfriend) told us that it was already past 12:00 am (2400) and that the computers were shut down (only her brain was shut down…we can smell computer activity from a mile away. but we didn’t need to use those special addict powers bc we weren’t that far away). However, not only is it improbable (nay impossible…dare I say INSANE) that a clock could rightly (it could be wrongly) be more than ten minutes ahead, not enough time had elapsed for the woman to shut off both the computers following the departure of the two customers (I repeat: tall, dark, and handsome specimens). Additionally, we witnessed (we may be girls, but this isn’t a murder case so our testimonies will count in the beit din) no shutting off of the computers. We informed the woman (a little too politely) that we knew which specific movie we wanted (casino royale. shout out 2 girl in the elevator who suggested the movie while we bolted down the street), and asked if we could possibly run in quickly (we had just warmed up our running legs sprinting down 34th street and jay-running please don’t confuse that with Jay-Z..shout out 2 him..wassup bro? “whattup thug what? whattup thug. what? whattup thug? what? whattup gangSTAAAA what up bros what? what up” ..ok we’ll stop there) and get it (get it?).
Having both worked in retail settings (shout out 2 master joey of famous fino fame..not to be confused with Fosee’s Famous Footwear) before, we understand that the workday is long (especially during the 9 days when people in dallas cant stop eating..or maccabee when annoying kids cant keep their hands off each other in our darn restaurant) and it is important for employees to go home on time (to grab a cold beer before whining about all the annoying customers and then sitting down to enjoy the game…game of cranium that is..or phase 10. depending on if the internet is broken or not). It is hard to be patient with customers all day long (4 the record their shift was probably like 5 hours), especially when they arrive so near to closing time (come on. it’s the city that never sleeps. y would we not want a movie at 2350 on a Thursday night?). This does not excuse the attitudes (don’t make me snap my fingers in a Z for-ma-tion) we were met with (nice to meet you attitude girl). It did not help (where is the chessed in this crum world?) that we felt as though we were treated in such a rude manner because we are college students (the nerve! we are the future of America while she’s working at blockbuster!). We can only assume (uh oh..u kno what happens now) that had we been older (wiser, and more boring) customers (with large retirement funds set up so that we can purchase our yacht next week) our business would have been more valued (as in if we had a platinum American express card to wave at them from the dooney and bourke bag we stole from Miriam who stole it from Aliza “who hit the cat that drank the milk that father bought for 2 zuzim..cha ching..chad gadya chad gadya”….to hear the full version of this song please visit rachel’s house on pesach after she’s pumped her low-tolerance body w. sweet white wine..yum).
We decided (it was an executive decision voted on in Congressional session number 7j53235l6kgjds7alg) to share this experience with you (and only you. and you and you.) to not only help you better your customer service in the face of so much present competition (shout out 2 netflix and hollywoooooood), but also because we feel (as true bas yisroels. kvod bas melech pnima..we’re on our way back home yerushalayim) that as residents of E 34th street (u wished u had as hot a location as we do..if u lived here u’d be home RITE NOW) we would not patronize Blockbuster again (till Rachel prints out her free coupon so she can feed her grey’s addiction). Furthermore, a similar incident has occurred (we called in the troops that time too…the troop was named Miriam and boy did she do a good job with that world famous foot …I like pie, but would I date pie??) before with the same female employee (can’t that girl find a new job??). As residents of the Murray Hill neighborhood (oh yea Empire State Building and the jumpers..beat that sketchy Yu boys, boring Maryland people and fancy touro folk…we apologize to anyone left out, this list was just representative of people who either have better buildings, longer breaks, or have a life) we often frequent the store at other hours (that’s right. we have been spotted by the paparazzi entering Blockbuster at 23:25). We admit (that’s the first step of teshuva) that we should have made more of an attempt to arrive at Blockbuster earlier on these two occasions (now if that doesn’t sound like a please parents stop yelling at me line I don’t know what is). However, this does not justify the lack of integrity (what would the forefathers say?) and poor customer service (who do you complain to about the Better Business Bureau??) we found at Blockbuster (now that’s what you call a tie-up).
We hope that you will be able to change this fault in your company (before we have any earthquakes) so that other customers do not have similar experiences to ours and consequently, also choose not to visit Blockbuster further. (we suggest free movies for us for the rest of our lives…then we might consider forgiving you..but we wont take this off of facebook)

Sincerely,

Aviva-I have a magical phone, a fat joe laptop, and no work-and Rachel- my phone is chronically ill, my laptop is not a mac, and I always have work-

(we would like to thank attitude girl. this incident, and the consequent letter writing, entertained us for longer than Titanic would have)

public service announcement. it actually took us two hours to realize that…its SWAT team. not squat. or sqwat. but SWAT. feel badly for our roommates. and can’t wait to see you across the desk from you at Aviva’s marketing room, or as u gasp for air and Rachel offers to save your life in the emergency room. feel safe now?